Have you ever said something that is not true, or not kind and not necessary? Val Baldwin, CPC Certified Relationship Coach gave our viewers some great tips to help stop gossiping and help create a healthier mindset.
The problem of gossip usually involves groups that are predominantly women. Men certainly have their ways of competing and cutting each other down, but they generally do it in different ways other than gossiping about each other. Women, by nature, make connections with others by openly expressing and talking about their feelings.
Research shows that if you take ten habitual gossipers, two kinds of personality types emerge:
Type 1: On average, 2 out of 10 people are the self-absorbed, cruel, “all-about-me” kinds of individuals that feel they are superior to others in every way and show no mercy when saying bad things about others.
Type 2: The remaining 8 out of 10 habitual gossipers usually appeared confident outside but were actually individuals with low self-esteem and repeatedly cut down others to try to make themselves feel better about themselves.
The negative effect gossip has on your self-esteem is that a person’s subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between saying something terrible about someone else or just saying a negative remark about yourself. Your mind computes the negative comment to be about yourself. That is why a person will often feel inadequate in their gut after they gossip about another. You feel bad inside. It’s your subconscious mind telling you the awful remark was about you.
There are three ways to get away from gossip:
- If you find yourself around people who like to gossip, simply learn the trick of disengagement: don’t reply, don’t be drawn in, and never do it yourself, and don’t participate or get pulled in.
- When the person gossiping finishes their negative comments about another person, turn it around by saying something positive about them. By turning the conversation to the positive about the person typically stops the gossiper in their tracks. You didn’t criticize the gossiper, which prevents them from becoming defensive, and you changed the tone and direction to a positive dialogue.
- The last way and the most courageous manner to stop gossip is to say, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about someone like this. What I do want to talk to you about is something else. Changing the subject to a safe topic also works excellent