SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH – (Good Things Utah) The holidays bring up lots of feelings, good and bad, but the important part of understanding these emotions is identifying your own attachment style. 

Laurin Sondergaard explained what attachment is. Attachment, she said, is the way we connect with people and what needs must be met in order for a person to feel secure. 

There are four different attachment styles, Ashley Fischer explained. They are anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure. Secure is the goal, Fischer said. Attachment styles can be corrected and changed over the course of a life, but they are put into play from birth, and the experiences through childhood can affect what kind of attachment styles a person may have. 

Anxious attachment styles have people pleasing attitudes and want to control the outcome. These people try to control every minute detail of an event, attempting to make everyone happy. The key, Fischer said, for this attachment style is to take a step back. Identify what is and isn’t within the realm of control, and focus on the good and fun of the holidays. 

The avoidant attachment style is characterized by overthinking about all the things that could go wrong. These people often avoid engagement because they expect things to go wrong. In order to combat this, focus on the positive elements of the holidays and plan social engagements that are with people who you love and enjoy being around. 

The next attachment style is called disorganized. It is characterized by a combination of the anxious and avoidant attachment styles. People with a disorganized attachment style will have mixed symptoms of wanting to be in control and make everyone happy while also being nervous about the things that could go wrong. To combat this, know when you need to put up boundaries and say no. 

A secure attachment style means that you’re good to go! You enjoy the holiday season despite the chaos, and are able to manage your mental health and create healthy boundaries when needed. 

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