Dr. Alisa Van Langeveld is an Adjunct Professor in Family Studies, parent expert, and mom of 4. She is the founder of “10 Minutes Together” online where she teaches parenting skills focused on the power of one-on-one connection. Today she joined us to share the gift of a content mother.
Mother’s mental well-being matters for our kids. When moms struggle, kids struggle. Expecting moms to be happy all the time is toxic. Mom burnout can be avoided by shifting our focus to being content, not perfect, not happy, content.
Motherhood is a beautiful, sublime opportunity; however, we have been fed some really toxic ideas about motherhood. We often believe that motherhood is everything. Research shows, that children do best when their mothers are well. Children struggle when their mothers struggle. Maternal depression is related to a wide range of child struggles now and in the future. Our kids need moms who are well.
Being happy all the time is too lofty a goal. Happiness is wonderful but it is fleeting and not realistic. Focusing on “happy” can lead to toxic positivity and it disconnects us from our feelings and leads to burnout, rage, and hopelessness. Contentment is about satisfaction, completeness, and “enoughness”.
Dr. Alisa Van Langeveld shared the following on how to be a CONTENT Mother:
STEP 1: Take inventory. “All things considered, how satisfied am I with my life as a whole these days?”
STEP 2: Release. Release yourself from guilt, and disappointment, let go of high expectations, bad advice, resentment, and martyrdom. Do less. Lighten your schedule. Release expectations. Aim for “good enough”.
STEP 3: Connect. Cultivate deliberate moments of connection. Together Time. Connect with your child, with yourself, and with other supports. Seek/ask for help.
STEP 4: Hold Boundaries for yourself and your child. Practice saying no: to expectations, comparisons, requests, commitments, and your child.
Get started and plan 2 sessions of “Together Time” this weekend.