(Good Things Utah) In the offices of Heather Frazier Coaching, most clients can see how they’re playing into their problems by blowing up their kid’s phones and yelling back as they’re trying to control the situation.

A client’s normal response to the situation: “What, I’m just supposed to not care?!? Roll over and take it?!”

Nope… According to Heather Frazier, this is a typical “black and white” mindset — meaning parents will either take control or just give up.

Common reasons why this situation happens:

1) We think our rules should dictate our kid’s actions. When the rules don’t work, parents can act erratically, making the situation even worse.

2) We want them to be doing well in their lives so that we can feel like a good parent — a form of validation.

3) We humans like easy. This presents as an easy solution upfront, so we take it.

Here are 3 steps to stop doing this:

1) Recognize. We can’t change what we don’t see, so we have to watch ourselves and be honest

2) Think outside the box, and outside of ourselves. The world is NOT black and white — we have every color imaginable! The answer is not gray, it’s a completely different color spectrum. It’s a more developed sense of self. 

3) Listen, don’t assume anything. We think we know why our kid is flunking or going through friends like crazy, but we don’t. We need to listen and be curious as to what is really going on. 

For more from Heather, find her online at HeatherFrazier.com.

Schedule a visit with her today to receive a FREE strategy session by going to FamilyCoachHeather.as.me/FREEhour. You can also follow along with her on Facebook at @heatherfraziercoaching.

**This segment contains sponsored content