Erin Shepard from Yarrow Therapy gets this statement a lot from her clients: “I don’t really like being a mom”.

She says it’s important to clear the air. No job is perfect. Motherhood is something culturally we value and for excellent reasons. Because motherhood is so highly valued and respected, we tend to believe when its less than fulfilling for us in our own lives, we assume we are failing or doing something wrong. And that just isn’t the case.

Remember, feelings aren’t good or bad, right or wrong. When we label emotions as having value as right or wrong we create deeper seeded emotions of shame. 

Having thoughts like, “I shouldn’t be a mom,” or “My kids would be better off without me.” can be a symptom involving perinatal mood disorders or depression. Feeling this way is sensitive, and can provoke feeling hopeless in all of us. If you notice as we have this conversation, you feel like that isn’t enough for you, or can’t think of how you would do that in your own life and circumstances. You may want to look into receiving some therapeutic help.

Utilize Your Resources

  • Energy-Do things that recharge and refuel you as well as your kids.
    • Make a list of things you and your kids enjoy doing.
      • Keep it simple around the house kinds of thing.
      • Little ways to make the routines you already do with your kids meaningful and filled with connection.
      • Keep a long list in the back or your mind, in your sock drawer, recipe box wherever- as long as it’s something you can turn to use as a tool when you are feeling unsatisfied or need a pick-me up to look forward to.
  • Focus– Our minds are a muscle with a job of keeping us alive by problem-solving. Our brain cuts the corner to do this by connecting patterns. Be careful of the patterns you create by the thoughts you put in motion for your mind to follow.
    • “Ugh I don’t want to be doing this today, being a mom isn’t for me.” You can bet that beautiful muscle in your head will find all the ways to support that thought.
  • Support– Having a reliable support system is a common dominator that strengthens us during emotionally stressful times.
    • Use your support system to take breaks away from your children
    • Sharing tasks and responsibilities
    • Turn to community resources like crisis nurseries, support groups, join a facebook group, hire a nanny.

Find more advice from Erin Shepard at