(Daily Dish) Teenagers can be mean and hurtful. Why does it seem like they want to cause you as a parent harm? What have you done wrong?

These are just some of the thoughts that all parents have. There is a way to break through the perception that your teen is hurtful and that you are the problem or cause of it. It is possible to figure out the parent-teenager dynamic and find connection.

Life coach Heather Frazier teaches parents how to sperate the choices of your children and the good parent that you are. Once you can see past their behavior, there is a chance for connection.

Where did my baby go?

We think we have it down when they are little. They love us and want to spend time with us. Then when adolescence hits, they hate you and you can tell.

Women especially feel there is something they did wrong to cause bad behavior. They also feel it’s their job to manage everyone’s emotions around them. Frazier felt the same way and spent a lot of time crying because her children. It seemed they delighted in hurting her, at least that was her interpretation. Then the same thing started happening with her son. Everyone looks forward to the teen years when you can travel without a diaper bag and have intelligent conversations. That isn’t the case most of the time.

Do my child’s choices mean I have failed?

What Frazier found is when parents see a teenager’s actions separate from them as a parent, you can start reaching out to connect.

Everything teens say and do is about them. Human are naturally egocentric, and teenagers especially so. When you can stop taking things personally, you can start to realize they are hurting. You can ask them what is happening – what going on? The hard part is getting past their behavior and the thought that we’ve failed as parents.

“I was needing my children to validate that I was a good parent through their choices.” That’s how all parents feel. It ALWAYS boils down to the parents feeling like they have failed, because of what their kids is doing. This isn’t true. Parents can let their children make their choices, let them learn some hard lessons, and be amazing parents all at the same time.

Strengthening a parent-teen relationship

Frazier says, when at least one parent has the tools they need, the entire dynamic shifts. Even in a family that doesn’t like feelings, one person can change how feelings are handled in the entire family.

Heather Frazier helps families see eye to eye. You can start learning more by visiting HeathFrazier.com and scheduling a free strategy session to customize a step by step process according to your personal struggles.

This article contains sponsored content.