Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (Universal)
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense supernatural violence and action, disturbing images, thematic elements and some language.
Starring John C. Reilly, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Massoglia, Jessica Carlson, Michael Cerveris, Ray Stevenson, Patrick Fugit, Daniel Newman, Morgan Saylor, Don McManus, Colleen Camp, Ken Watanabe, Salma Hayek, Orlando Jones, Frankie Faison, Willem Dafoe, Kristen Schaal, Patrick Breen, Tom Woodruff, Jane Krakowski.
Written by Paul Weitz Brian Helgeland, Darren Shan (book series).
Directed by Paul Weitz.
GRADE: B
REVIEW:No one likes to be called a "freak," unless being a freak is cool. That's the premise of
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant, a movie based on the juvenile book series by Darren Shan (also the name of the book's main character, although I'm pretty sure the stories are not autobiographical. At least I hope not).
Chris Massoglia stars as teen aged Darren Shan, an overachiever driven by uptight parents to follow society's rules. Josh Hutcherson plays Darren's best friend Steve, who appeals to Darren's rebellious side, constantly getting him into trouble.
When the pair attend a creepy traveling freak show called Cirque du Freak, both young men are entranced; Darren by a colorful venomous spider, and Steve by a Vampire named Larten Cresley (John C. Reilly). Joining Cresley in the freak show are Salma Hayek as a bearded lady (and Cresley's lover), Ken Watanabe as Mr. Tall (a tall deformed man with a head shaped like Gumby), Patrick Fugit as a grunge singer snake boy, Orlando Jones as a man without an abdomen (his upper and lower body are connected only by his spine), a wolf man, a man with two stomachs, a woman who can bite through metal, and a cute young woman who has a monkey tail.
After the show, Steve begs Cresley to turn him into a vampire and is rejected, while Darren steals Cresley's beloved spider. When the spider bites Steve, Darren strikes a deal with Cresley to become his assistant (and half-vampire for the eternities) to save his friend's life. In order to pull off the ruse, Darren must fake his own death and leave his friends and family behind for good as he joins the traveling band of freaks.
In the meantime, a war is brewing between factions within the blood-sucking communities of the world. A creepy man named "Tiny" keeps stirring up the vampires against vampaneeze, who are the more aggressive of the two main factions (they are the ones who eat people; the vampires are really nice people who only sedate their victims and sip a little of their blood to stay alive). A long-standing truce between the vampires and vampaneeze hangs by a thread and would be broken into a full war if one of them kills another.
Later on, Tiny recruits Steve and turns him into a vampaneeze, setting a final confrontation between the two former friends that will usher in the war.
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is a relatively amusing film with some clever dark comedy moments. I was not overly impressed with Reilly as the vampire Cresley, nor was I enthralled with Salma Hayek as the bearded lady. Some performances are noteworthy, including Willem Dafoe as Cresley's mentor Gavner Purl (Dafoe could play a vampire in every movie as far as I'm concerned), Watanabe as Mr. Tall (even though I could not understand half of what he said through a thick Japanese accent), and Fugit as the grumpy garage band wanna-be snake boy.
I'm not sure who the movie was marketed to, unless the teen crowd is in for another coming-of-age film where the young protagonist must overcome his weaknesses to triumph over his foes and lead a small army against a more powerful enemy, complete with sweet teen romance. If I had to put my finger on it, I'd have to say it's sort of like
Karate Kid for vampires.
