Most people, especially women, have a very hard time saying no to friends, co-workers or family members at times when you really, really want to say NO. Unfortunately, experts say you are doing yourself big disservice by saying "yes" every time when you really mean "no" because it adds more stress, burnout and guilt to your life! So here's how to say NO without feeling all that guilt.
YOU'RE ASKED TO ORGANIZE A FUNDRAISER AT CHURCH OR SCHOOL AGAIN
Say something like: "I know I'm going to disappoint you, but I've decided not to volunteer this year. Is there any way to get someone else to step up?" By saying this, you'll remind people that you've already done your fair share or coordinating in the past and by encouraging the church or school or involve other members; you'll help the fundraiser be more successful in the long run.
A FRIEND WANTS TO THROW YOU A BIRTHDAY PARTY, BUT YOU'D RATHER NOT DEAL WITH THE FUSS
Just say: "Thanks for offering, but I really don't want a party. Maybe you and I could grab lunch instead." The fact is, it's YOUR birthday. So you get to decide if you want to shout or be quiet about it. By offering an alternative form of celebration to your friend, you give them a chance to pamper you on
YOUR terms.
YOUR FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER ASKS YOU TO BABYSIT MORE FREQUENTLY THAN YOU WOULD LIKE
You love your friend or relative’s kids, but you also love having your independence and a life of your own. Sit this person down and make sure she is clear on what she can expect of you in regards to babysitting. Say something like this "You know I love being with your kids. I also respect your need and desire to go and do things without the kids. Because we both want an open, loving, honest relationship I feel the need to be clear with you that it's not my intention to become your primary babysitter. You can absolutely count on me in emergencies and I would love to watch the kids once or twice a month when you call in advance to schedule it.
How about we sit down and come up with a list of other babysitter possibilities? In fact, I know of two teenage girls in my neighborhood who love to babysit and a wonderful woman who offers daytime day-care in her home. She even takes drop-ins. Let me give you their numbers.
A FRIEND ASKS YOU TO LOAN THEM SOME MONEY.
No matter what the amount, say this: "Sorry, but as a rule I don't lend money to friends." By saying it's your "rule" to not lend money, you make it
clear that you're not singling out any one person.
YOUR BOSS OFFERS YOU A PROMOTION THAT YOU DON'T WANT
If you're dreading the idea of longer hours away from home, try saying this:
"I'm flattered that you want me, but for personal reasons I'm not in a position where I can take this on. Can we talk again if my situation changes?" Obviously, there's no guarantee you'll ever get another shot at being promoted, but your boss will appreciate knowing you have other priorities in life that don't include work.
Relationship Expert Val Baldwin
For more information about Coach Val and her coaching and speaking services, to view more free articles, or to subscribe to her free monthly relationship newsletter, go to Val’s website at www.valbaldwin.com or e-mail her at val@valbaldwin.com
