Would you like to be calmer, happier and more confident? New research suggests it's possible to reshape the traits you were born with so you can become all these things and more.
If you've always justified negative behaviors by saying "I was born with this personality and that's just the way I am", it's time to change your tune and get an attitude adjustment. Personality is also about the choices we make and the things we do. And because much of what we do is learned, it's possible to train ourselves to act differently. It will take effort, time and patience but the results
will be worth it. Here's what you can do to make it happen.
Like any kind of life change, changing your personality starts with desire, then calls for motivation, effort and time. It also helps to begin by making relatively small changes. Instead of promising to become more agreeable 24/7, modify how you act in situations where that trait comes into play. For instance, if you'd like to be less irritable with your partner, try listening with more empathy during
your next argument. Small changes can eventually snowball into bigger ones.
Other key ways to help change your personality for the better:
1. TO BE MORE ASSERTIVE: Afraid to speak up? Jump to the end of the
discussion and imagine how you'd feel if you walked away saying nothing. Focus on that regret and you'll talk despite yourself.
2. TO BE LESS OF A WORRYWART: Worrying can be a way of finding
solutions, but not if your thoughts keep going in circles. To break
the fretting cycle, ask yoruself where worry is getting you. Being
able to see that the answer is NOWHERE will help you learn to do it
less.
- Ask yourself "what's the worst thing that could possibly happen?"
- Then ask yourself "Could I get through it?" 95% of the time your
answer will be yes, I could get through it. So stop worrying!
3. TO BE LESS FEARFUL: The more you give in to fear, the more
fearful you'll be. On the other hand, the more you take risks, the
more you'll want to take them. The only way to be more daring is to
keep doing new things. Push your limits. LIfe's biggest rewards come
from our bigest challenges. Try some of these ideas:
- Go to a movie alone
- Speak to a stranger next to you in the check-out line
- Give a speech
- Take a rock climbing lesson
4. TO BE LESS CRITICAL: Most of us are clueless about our own behavior and can easily fall into a pattern of negativity. Ask friends or family to call you on it when you're being negative, then make a point of saying something positive instead. Over time, you'll start to notice how you react yourself. That's when you'll be able to modify your behavior. Challenge yourself to give 3 compliments or make three positive comments about something a day. This pattern will also soon become a habit and you'll start to look for the good in
others and our situations instead of always being critical.
5. TO BE MORE CHEERFUL: Having a happy personalty isn't magical; it
takes effort. Your brain cannot process fear and gratitude at the
same time. It's impossible. If you want to be happier and have less
fear....which is the cause of anger, hate and all negative
behavior....develop an attitude of gratitude. Start pushing yourself
to do things like answering the phone with a bright, happy hello or
smiling at the receptionist when you get to work in the morning, that
cheerfulness will become more and more automatic.
- Start a gratitude journal. Last thing at night or first thing in
the morning, write down 3 things you are thankful for. This puts you
in a gratitude state of mind, which will make you more happy, more
appreciate and cheerful.
You can change your personality for the better. Tackle one trait at a
time, make a plan, set a goal and stick to it. The positive changes
will come.....in time.
RELATIONSHIP COACH VAL BALDWIN
Val Baldwin, CPC, is a professional speaker, author and certified relationship coach. She helps individuals and organizations boost people skills, enhance communication and strengthen relationships for greater success and happier lives. For more information about Coach Val, to view more great relationship articles, or to subscribe to her free monthly e-newsletter, go to Val's website at http://www.valbaldwin.com/
If you have topics you'd like Coach Val to cover on future GTU appearances, e-mail her at val@valbaldwin.com
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